3-Duped

I got a little glimpse of the future last night.
And it involved a lot of people wearing funny glasses.

I happened to see two different 3-D experiences. First, Samsung’s new 3D TV, and then the 3-D film Clash of the Titans.

Care to guess which was the better experience?

It was the TV.
The screen was crisp and the graphics hovered out in front of the set like something out of Minority Report. The content wasn't much, a loop of sporting events, but 30 seconds of a soccer game was all I needed to understand the potential.

Of course, for the full 3-D experience you'll need a new TV, a new Blu-Ray player, and don't forget the special 3-D glasses. A steal at $249 a pair.

Well now, perhaps the movie is looking a little more affordable eh? An extra 3 dollars a ticket doesn't seem so bad if you get a 3-D experience in return… Except this isn't real 3-D. This is a 2-D film, converted into 3-D.

Seems the producers of Clash of the Titan decided they'd spend an extra 5 million to convert the flat 2-D film into 3-D. Or almost 3-D. Call it 2 and half.

Now, I’m not a fan of 3-D but I’m know when it’s done right. Avatar. Coraline. Up.
Of the new breed of 3-D films Clash of the Titans is the worst viewing experience I have seen in years. Some scenes have no depth at all. Take off your glasses and you'll see little or no difference. Often one or two characters appear to hover in front of the background. The effect is basically that of a children’s pop-up book.

Many film blogs have relished sharing the details that the producers actually outsourced the 3-D conversion to a shop in India. Meanwhile SFX wizards are pointing out that most theatres aren't equiped to properly project 3-D films. The polarized sunglasses you wear darken the image and hurt picture quality. One can imagine the animators who worked on the new and improved Kracken crying when they see the muddy results.

Now, let’s be clear. Without or without 3-D, Clash of the Titans is no future classic. It’s the Showgirls of action films. A quick and silly sword and sandals adventure, (regarding Medusa, our hero says “Don’t look the bitch in the eyes”) with a plot that belongs in the Mighty Hercules cartoon.

But who cares right? We just want to watch Sam Worthington slash stuff!

Meanwhile movie theatres are converting to 3-D capable systems as fast as they can. Far from being a novelty, 3-D films are beginning to clutter up the multiplex forcing theatre owners to make tough decisions. The charming How to Train You Dragon barely got a foothold before Clash of the Titans came along.

But the worst effect of the return of 3-D is how it brings out Hollywood’s shallow side.
Now more than ever it's not about how good a picture is, it's about the spectacle.


The industry considers movie like State of Play or Duplicity failures. All that money for big movie stars and nothing to show for it? So why waste time writing something smart and hard to sell? If you have a movie with a great visual component just slap a 3-D on that title and you’re set!

So get ready for Tron 3-D, Smurfs 3-D, Piranha 3-D, Harry Potter 3-D, and Erector Set…3-D.
(Really. )



A now in honour of the next ten years of squinting through sunglasses, a classic from Timbuk3.


*Update*
The Big Picture has an interesting take on why Movie Stars should fear 3-D the most.

Saint Steve

My cbc radio reviews for this week are Dear John and From Paris With Love. In that film John Travolta plays one of the strangest characters you've seen in a while. Charlie Wax. A bald, biker-dude turned secret agent. (right)

If you want to see him and Jonathan Rhys Meyers blow up Paris good, go nuts. But I think you'd be better off rewatching any of the Bourne identities.

For a great stab at what's wrong with From Paris With Love, check out this review by Roger Ebert.

And for a movie that's actually worth watching, try Saint John of Las Vegas. It's a rare treat for Steve Buscemi fans giving him ample space to do his trademark slow burn.

Saint John of Las Vegas is a road movie of sorts. Steve plays John, a reformed gambler turned insurance investigator on the case of a suspicous car crash. With his no-nonense partner Virgil, they set off to visit the scene of the crime and interogate witnesses. Along the way you'll meet Tim Blake Nelson, Sarah Silverman and John Cho.


What I liked about this film is that it didn't try to oversell the comedy. This isn't going for a in-your-face laugh attack like the overhyped The Hangover. Saint John is a gentler, more grounded brand of funny. John is just a guy, trying to do a job and get back in one piece. And who better to play the sad-sack hero than Buscemi, a man whose face was built for pain. Like watching Charlie Brown trying to kick the football, you can help but root for him.

As a opposed to John Travolta's over-sized Mini Me character, John fits Steve Buscemi as well as the simple suits he wears. You might say he's typecast from his Mr.Pink days of Resivor Dogs. But I think he's just playing to his stregth.

Liam Nesson is not the action hero you're looking for

Did you see what I did there with the title?
That somewhat subtle Star Wars reference?

Sorry, I have young Jedi apprentice in my house, there's a lot of that floating around.

Anyway....the movie Taken.
File this under the "Could have been" tab.
When Nesson fans like myself saw the trailer to this we were justifiably excited.
Nesson's had a long career, playing Jedis, Sex Doctors and Saviours of one kind or another.
On screen he's rarely boring and always watchable...

Until Now.

In Taken Nelson plays Bryan. Once he was a covert "preventer" for the CIA. He stopped bad things from happening. But in the process he lost his wife (divorce not death) and grew apart from his now 17 year old daughter, Kim.
Now Bryan's playing it safe. He's hanging up his gun and moving back to the States to reconnect with Kim.
Now let me save you 20 minutes of your time by summing up the first part of the movie.

Bryan is an ex spy.
His ex-wife thinks he's an a-hole.
His daughter still loves him.
But her new Dad bought her a horse for her birthday.

So there we are. As you may have seen in the trailer...things get going when Bryan gets a terrifying call.
Kim is being kidnapped and sold into sex-slave ring.
Of course Bryan does what any reasonable ex-spy would do.
He gets on the phone, tells the bad guys he's dangerous and he's coming for them.
Ahhh...now we're in business.

Unfortunately what follows it a series of uneven confrontations as Bryan, who appears to be a combination of James Bond and MacGyver, plows through the competition.

Yes we get he's determined. He'll do anything to save his daughter. But watching Nesson take down baddie after baddie gets....tiring. Can no one stop this guy? In the age of The Borne Identity and Casino Royale we want our heroes to a little more human.

The director here is a same fellow that gave us the watchable martial arts movie District 13. (Beautiful poster there.) But with Taken director Pierre Morel serves up nothing new. The only thing that distinguishes Bryan from the other men-on-a-mission movies is just how far he's willing to go. For me a spy that's willing to go Guantanamo on the bad guys doesn't quite cut it. Take a pass on Taken.