Pity the Fool (A-Team and MacGruber)

I've been thinking a lot, far too much about the new A-Team film. Now let's be clear. This is a film based on a show that was about as realistic as the GI JOE cartoons of the same time. And the new A-Team continues the legacy of lunacy.

There is a memorable scene (SPOILER) where the guys attempt to slow a plummeting tank by firing at the rapidly approaching ground. Now I'm no Mr.Wizard, but I don't think that's the way the law of physics work. And then again, who cares? Because instead you get Jessica Beil muttering "They're trying to fly that tank." And it's funny. But ridiculous. Which is the essence of my A-Team conundrum.

There is a lot of fun stuff in the A-Team. Bradley Cooper as "Face" has the kind of charisma that could grow into Clooney-esque proportions. The same cock-sure attitude, the man who smirks in the face of fireballs. Another high point is Sharlto Copley. This is his first big role after playing Wickus in District 9. No Afrikaner accent here. Sharlto is playing "Murdock," the court jester of the bunch. His energy is manic and like Bradley it's infectious.

These guys make the A-Team fun. The team clicks, the back and forth, the cross talk make being in the middle of the crew a fun place to be. But the action is insane. The set pieces feel like they were hatched by the bastard love child of Michael Bay and the demented geniuses behind the Crank series.

Which is what frustrates me. The A-Team looks like an action pic. They're using the same vocabulary (car chases, fireballs, firefights) but there's no tension. It's a Noel Coward play drenched in Redbull and topped with gunpowder.

But then last night, I figured it out. The A-Team is a remake, but what they've created isn't an action drama....it's a sitcom. An incredible expensive (& loud) sitcom. Call it Four's Company.

Once I made that mental adjustment, all my issues; the lightness of tone, the unbelievable finale...they all melted away.

Really in a way the A-Team is the kind of movie MacGruber wished it could have been. Look at the similarities. The both start in the desert. Both feature heroes who excel at making elaborate devices out of

scraps. Both use familiar action cliches to amuse the audience. It's just that the A-Team is actually funny.

Liam Nesson is not the action hero you're looking for

Did you see what I did there with the title?
That somewhat subtle Star Wars reference?

Sorry, I have young Jedi apprentice in my house, there's a lot of that floating around.

Anyway....the movie Taken.
File this under the "Could have been" tab.
When Nesson fans like myself saw the trailer to this we were justifiably excited.
Nesson's had a long career, playing Jedis, Sex Doctors and Saviours of one kind or another.
On screen he's rarely boring and always watchable...

Until Now.

In Taken Nelson plays Bryan. Once he was a covert "preventer" for the CIA. He stopped bad things from happening. But in the process he lost his wife (divorce not death) and grew apart from his now 17 year old daughter, Kim.
Now Bryan's playing it safe. He's hanging up his gun and moving back to the States to reconnect with Kim.
Now let me save you 20 minutes of your time by summing up the first part of the movie.

Bryan is an ex spy.
His ex-wife thinks he's an a-hole.
His daughter still loves him.
But her new Dad bought her a horse for her birthday.

So there we are. As you may have seen in the trailer...things get going when Bryan gets a terrifying call.
Kim is being kidnapped and sold into sex-slave ring.
Of course Bryan does what any reasonable ex-spy would do.
He gets on the phone, tells the bad guys he's dangerous and he's coming for them.
Ahhh...now we're in business.

Unfortunately what follows it a series of uneven confrontations as Bryan, who appears to be a combination of James Bond and MacGyver, plows through the competition.

Yes we get he's determined. He'll do anything to save his daughter. But watching Nesson take down baddie after baddie gets....tiring. Can no one stop this guy? In the age of The Borne Identity and Casino Royale we want our heroes to a little more human.

The director here is a same fellow that gave us the watchable martial arts movie District 13. (Beautiful poster there.) But with Taken director Pierre Morel serves up nothing new. The only thing that distinguishes Bryan from the other men-on-a-mission movies is just how far he's willing to go. For me a spy that's willing to go Guantanamo on the bad guys doesn't quite cut it. Take a pass on Taken.