Eyes Wide Shut (The Watchmen movie)

Oy.
How's that for a review?

Ahem.

Well, since I'm working at Q this month I wont be doing my regular movie column.

But you can tune in this Saturday on The World This Weekend on CBC for thoughts on Watchmen, superhero cinema and future of spandex on screen.

Now, the hour is late, so let me leave you with a few brief thoughts on the film.

Too literal. Full Frontal. Too slow (motion.) Action? Sure. Pathos? Not so much.

Not every book makes a great movie and not ever comic works on the big screen. Terry Gilliam had the rights to the Watchmen once. He gave them up, because he realized what made it work as a comic book wouldn't survive the translation.

It is one thing to see Rorschach mumble and mutter on the page. But hearing him rant about commies and whores on the big screen, in a growl that would give Christian Bale a run for his money...well, film is not that forgiving. Especially when it seems the director has a near-religious reverence for the source material.

The orignal Watchmen was a slow march to a cliff, a wry look at the men and women under the mask, told by comic book fans tired of writing funny books.

The movie is a love letter to the original, where director Zack Snyder drowns any depth with his own fetish for slow motion shots and shattering femurs.

The book is all there on the screen, except it's not.



Well I had predicted this. Although, the past couple weeks as the day approached, I allowed myself to hope that I was wrong. I wasn't.